Trials and Tribulations

Hello, my divas! Can you believe that it's already September? Where did the year go? Gosh, time does fly when you're having fun... or working every day. But serious question: do you ever have so much to do that you just do nothing? That's how I've been feeling recently. I know I have so many important things to do, but I can't bring myself to do them. For example, I had two days off, and I wanted to really apply for a lot of new j*bs, but within the whole 48 hours I didn't open my laptop even once to even glance at new positions. The first day I was off, I literally just spent time on my phone and fixing my nails, and then I just ran a bunch of errands the following day. In that aspect, I suppose I was a little productive, and I cleaned my room, but in my professional life, I feel stagnant. Which, yes, I'm still kinda young, but I feel so behind.  

It is so hard not to compare myself to everyone around me. It seems everyone is getting married, or promoted, or getting a new degree, or moving to a fun new place. I'm still in my hometown, with no prospects and not that much money... 

I just have a giant fear of not being good enough. Again, for my big girl j*b that I'm still working on, it just feels like there are not many entry-level positions open for anything. Which brings up another issue... guys...I don't know what I want to do with my life. In high school, when I was a freshman, I thought Oh! Okay, I'll be a nurse practitioner. That will make money, and that's what matters. Then I joined TV & Broadcast and thought that was what I wanted to do- work at a News Station, but film school was so male-dominated and male-centric that I couldn't do it, so I finished with Media Arts & Science. But it's so hard to even explain to myself, let alone other people, what I studied and what I want to do. I just feel lost and still. Though I have to admit, when I was doomscrolling, I saw a post that said, "No change comes from being comfortable." I think that post-graduation, I have gotten too used to being comfortable, which is fine, but I think to see progress, I need to push myself and embrace being uncomfortable and to embrace being scared. 

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk <333